Of Course Jeff Bezos Got His Swagless Coachella ‘Fit From Amazon

If Jeff Bezos is anything, it’s utterly swagless. Look, Bezos can get as buff as he wants, plump his lips all day, and flex Casablanca: it’ll never change the fact that Amazon’s former CEO has zero drip.

Bezos and partner Lauren Sanchez were spotted at Coachella’s second weekend dancing to Bad Bunny, she looking pretty typical Coachella and he looking like he’d turned rumpus room butterfly wallpaper into a shirt.

In photos captured by Coachella attendees, Bezos matched his butterfly shirt with wrist flair, skinny jeans, and sensible white sneakers, an outfit that practically screams, “Hello, fellow kids.”

To make matters worse, Bezos apparently got his butterfly chemise from — where else? — Amazon, because every good capitalist is a walking billboard for his brand. And you know he pressed his underpaid workers for that free two-day shipping.

Now, I presume this is all part of Bezos’ insidious ruse to get the internet to collectively roast his shirt and, thus drive more eyeballs to Amazon.

Most people would balk at wearing a hideous shirt for the sake of getting roasted to then promote your billion-dollar brand, naturally.

However, I would ask them: Do you even shamelessly plug, bro?

What’s the point of existing if not to shill? You don’t get to be a multi-billionaire by having any self-respect, ya know.

Bezos’ Coachella fit is the latest in a long line of bizarrely bland looks that generally include too-tight T-shirts and anonymous suits.

Bezos also apparently has a thing for pre-distressed denim jeans, given that he wore some to hang out with Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson last year (can you say nightmare blunt rotation).

At his best, Bezos has mustered a cowboy hat, and even that was cringe.

Sadly, for a guy who’s got more money than god and could easily afford a stylist, a million new wardrobes, and some clothes that don’t look like they came from the mall, Bezos is apparently incapable of even hitting the quiet luxury mark.

Maybe he’s just too rich to have good taste. Certainly, Bezos is in good company there.

The only way Bezos will ever look good, it seems, is when he’s computer-generated.

  • Jeff Bezos


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