You’re planning your wedding. Everything is going to be perfect. The color palette is a subtle nod to the sheets you slept on the first night that you cried in front of each other. At midnight you will serve your guests a snack that evokes your grandparents’ love story. You have identified a tasteful role in the ceremony for your dog.
Please! I’m begging you. Spare a thought for your single friends. Make a secret list of people who are going to be single at your wedding and send it to your friends. Do it just like you send out a list of hotels to book, wedding events to attend, and gifts you would like to receive. Let me stop hitting on this happily married man in front of your grandma. No one should have to eat canapés feet away from this interaction. It’s not right. It’s not decent.
Charmeuse and chiffon weather has arrived, and with it, new weddings, rescheduled COVID weddings, re-rescheduled COVID weddings, and re-re-rescheduled COVID weddings. It’s the biggest year for weddings since the ’80s, and your single friends will be spending tens of thousands of dollars, paying for both halves of hotel rooms, wedding gifts, and gas-tank fill-ups. They’re happy to do it because they’re your friends. But just consider this take, hot but no hotter than your sweating guests in the July heat at your outdoor venue:
If you throw a big wedding and you do not help single people meet each other, you didn’t have a good wedding. Yes, yes—the wedding is about the couple. But the couple will have a better wedding if the guests are having a good time or, more specifically, having moments of electric connection as they reach for the same seeded roll at their table’s breadbasket. The vibe will be off if some fraction of the people are pacing your wedding, eyes wide, mouths open, like a life-size game of Hungry Hungry Hippos.
This is what I propose: Make a list of most or all single guests who are in the same age range as the couple. Each entry on the list should have a name, age, sexual orientation, and description of their general vibe. You should ask people’s permission before including them, and perform a fact check prior to the day. Planning a wedding is an exhausting undertaking, so if you do not have the bandwidth for the singles project, simply delegate it to your friend who most loves gossip. This kind of attention to detail will matter to your guests more than centerpieces.
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Of course, not all single people want to be made into a listicle, and “single” doesn’t necessarily mean “looking for a romantic connection.” You should kindly inquire of your guests about who is single and looking, just as you would offer a meat or fish option (or for vegetarians, a single gigantic mushroom—why?). Then spread the word, if not through a Zola or The Knot, then at least through strategically deployed group texts.
If you do not at least share some information about the relationship status of your guests, you are consigning yourself to a wedding where some fraction of the people are working as sleuths. You’re choking out your vows, overcome with emotion. I’m using my peripheral vision to rank the backs of people’s necks. You’re laughing as the maid of honor gives a speech about how you and Brad love karaoke, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I am using CIA tactics to get the person seated next to me to volunteer information about their personal life. You’re peeing. I’m holding your dress above the toilet and using an advanced mental recall method to analyze and infer the relationship status of every person I have met today.
I know that for wedding couples it might feel awkward to share a list, even among close friends, of the available guests at your wedding. But—respectfully!—didn’t it feel awkward to send people an itemized list of presents to buy for you? You overcome that. Now you can overcome this.
This act can lower costs across the board, enhancing the mood for the low, low price of asking your future spouse to get all their friends’ personal details. You don’t need to pay for party favors or photo booths or cupcake towers. God knows you have not purchased enough alcohol. Compile a few dossiers and send them to your close single friends. Everyone wins.
Days or weeks before your wedding, wedding couples should take a step back from your plans and ask: Am I creating an environment in which single people will use the Macarena as a form of sexual foreplay?
You aren’t taking chances on anything else on your wedding day miraculously “falling into place.” Don’t take a chance on this. Make your list now, before the big day.
Jenny Singer is a staff writer for Glamour. You can follow her on Twitter.
